Anyone who knows me well enough in dA knows I'm not exactly good at logging often. Part of it is because of lack of time and part of it is because I find dA rather depressing every time I log. Makes me feel I haven't quite accomplished as much as I want to. Plus it makes me feel old... not that I'm THAT old, but there are very talented youngsters around. =/

Life, as always, has been a bit hectic. I'm working at the school where I always end up working again. This time I'm doing Ed Tech support... which mainly involves plugging in printers and computers when the teachers freak out because they can't print/their computer's dead. It's quite amusing and entertaining, actually.

My husband and I have been house hunting and we have our eyes and hopes set on one house, but we have to wait till the end of October to know for real if it's going to be ours... I hate waiting.

On a separate note, back in July I made a bit of a breakthrough and made a 9 page comic book of sorts. Nothing extraordinary, mind you, but it was quite educational. It taught me I still have a long way to go XD I'd post it here, but I've been paranoid about dA being used as a clipart gallery for everyone and I never actually got around to finishing coloring it and adding the word balloons. It's hard to feel motivated to finish up something you already know is not great.

Other than that, I honestly haven't have much time for art lately. All my free time has been spent in house hunting/house research... and obsessing about not being good enough, of course

Anyway, I'd say I promise to log more often, but I better say I'll do my best

... or not. But it certainly feels that way.

To make a long story short, I'm back working at the school I used to work at. But what began in March as a temporary thing -just three weeks-, helping out at the school library, has multiplied and now I'll be there till the end of April.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the library. I love love love all the books and stories and seeing what the kids like and stuff. The problem is that I haven't had any time to do much of anything else (including logging to DA), and I'm still trying to do illustrations and I been feeling so utterly overwhelmed by it all. I need to have a great couple of illustrations by the middle of May, and I'm still trying to decide what I want to be doing illustration-wise.

I have piles of half finished things, TONS of ideas that haven't gone anywhere, plenty of techniques I feel I should be experimenting with, and not a lot of time to do much about it.

I'm hoping by the end of May things will get better and slower, but I really do need to make up for the time lost. I feel bad that I haven't replied to messages or commented on stuff here on DA, but my brain turns to mush if I have any free time at all, and I end up not even wanting to turn on the computer. I decided to post this just to let you guys know it might be a while before I reply to things, sorry :S

I need to somehow find the fun again and the time to for it. The more overwhelmed I feel the less time and energy I have.

I'm rather happy with the art I'm making lately. It's not perfect, not portfolio worthy, made in small scraps of paper. But I'm having FUN doing it, which is something I've been forgetting lately. Art is supposed to be fun. Why be an illustrator if I don't have fun making art?

I'm specially thrilled since I'm drawing characters I've had since I was 8 years old! (Trust me, that was quite a while ago) Sure, the stories have changed completely, but the essence is there! And it's almost like they are taking control of the drawings and a doodle turns into a whole scene.

Drawings coming to life in my head. THAT is what makes art fun for me.

Welcome to 2008! Don't you just love even-numbered years? I do

So, I haven't updated this journal in quite a long time, and lots of things have happened since. I quit my day job and stopped working on December 14th (today was the first day of school after winter break, so this was my first "stay at home day") in order to pursue a career as an illustrator.

It just wasn't working for me, having to commute so far away to work at the school and then trying to come home to draw and deal with my personal life. I don't have kids, I don't have big expenses. Now was the perfect time to take a chance and quit. I would never ever want to live with the "What if?". What if I had decided to follow my dreams instead of being stuck in a job I think is okay? What if I had taken a chance before I had kids and can no longer afford to take it? No, sir, that is not for me. That would KILL me. Instead I have opened this door to endless possibilities. I might end up deciding this is not for me, but I'll try it anyway!

One thing I must say is that I'm excited to think of how I can improve my skills. I'm sick and tired of logging to dA only to see thousands of people younger than me making wonderful things. I might not be the best, but I want to give it my best to show what I can do, if that makes sense. I'll start slow, since I want to explore techniques and different styles, but I hope it will be slowly but surely.

I must say though, I will miss the people at my work. They are so sweet and nice. And the kids are lots of fun. BUT I will NOT miss some of the things my job involved, like yard duty. That is the worst thing ever. I'm supposed to stop the kids from doing anything that looks unsafe, and by school standards almost EVERYTHING that is fun is unsafe. I was a professional party pooper! Ugh, it was torture! I had to stop the kids from doing things I did when I was little (like climbing trees or being on top of the monkey bars) and always thought they were such fun things and those things were the ONLY reason I could withstand going to school. I was being payed for giving the kids reasons to hate school -and adults- more! And why? Because if the kids were to have fun and break an arm or something by accident, the school is liable. The parents would sue the hell out of us. So, since we fear what the lawyers would do to us, we, in turn, don't let the kids do anything fun so they hold big grudges against schools and authorities and then things get nasty if they don't find ways to release their frustration as they grow up.

I'm glad to be done with that. I can't believe all the freedom people trade in for the ability to sue anyone for anything.


Anyway, on a different note, I, of course, have TONS of deviations, messages and journals to read since I haven't logged for a while. I can't believe how many posts some people make! I'm like, "O_O! This will take quite a while...." I can't possible comment on everything you guys have posted, so I apologize in advance.

Life's been crazy lately. After my trip to Europe to my brother's wedding (very cool, might post about it later), I had to prepare for yet another portfolio review (no comments), dog sit, work, read a lot, plan a lot, etc.... and now, of course, I've hit a big artistic slump. I feel sad and depressed and uninspired.

I made extremely tight plans to work on my art and finally evolve how I've been wanting to, but my hand feels heavy, my drawings look lifeless and stiff, I get distracted easily and I just don't feel like drawing.

On the bright side, I've been having good ideas for stories. One of my big "plans" is to now not only focus on drawing but on writing as well. I want to illustrate my own picture books, and, above all, I want to be able to illustrate my own graphic novels... So far it's not working out that well with the whole artistic slump, but it's been just a couple of weeks since I designed my schedule/plan/checklist to force me to achieve what I want, so I guess I shouldn't lose hope just yet...

I guess part of why I stay away from DA so much lately is because I get depressed watching so many great pictures and so many people making such good progress while I feel I'm just getting worse... but part of my plan includes logging to DA at least once a month which is better than I've been doing lately. I have good friends here and I miss them dearly every time I stay away too long.